火星三冠王，我爱你。

2个月的训练，两天的时间，三场的演出，圆满结束了。

感谢张老师一直以来细心的教导。
感谢邢老师耐心与明智地引导我们。
感谢Explore和Discovery的Captain们默默地支持我们。
感谢所有Explore, Discovery以及青草地的同伴们一起为这场演出付出。
感谢后台的工作人员不求回报地为我们奉献。
感谢一切的一切。

这场演出，让我踏上了舞台的第一步。让我了解了“付出”这两个字的意义。让我结交了更多朋友，了解了更多人，拉近了我们之间的关系。

非常谢谢欣霓，Felicia，Natalie, 家阳，伟贤，Yee Hong，缘慧，家豪，Ye Woon, 静颖，James，Boon Chen，Stephen，还有那些小瓜们... 谢谢你们一直以来辅助着我，帮助我，陪伴我。在我伤心时逗我笑，在我失落时让我开心起来，在我哭时安慰我。还有，在我太吵时提醒我安静下来。=]

非常高兴能够真正的认识了“爱”这个字。

那天来不及告诉你们，可是，

“我真的真的很爱你们！ 不知道改天还有没有机会见面，但我会永远记住我们建立起来的友情！我们一起经历过的事情，我是永远不会忘记的！有你们的存在，是我人生中最愉快，最幸运的事！朋友们，我永远爱你们！”

我哭了。可是，我还是笑着。

谢谢你们。

我爱你们。

Him and Him.

I've been seeing him a lot these days. Don't know why..
I can't deny that I've been with him more these days. Neither can I deny that I miss him more, too.

I wonder what he sees me as. I wonder everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. He's just so kind to me. So kind that he's confusing me more and more.

What does he feel for me? Just a friend? Or more?




Then there's him again.

He's confusing me too. We're so close. The best buds ever. Forever and only best buds.

I don't know what he feels. I don't know how he thinks.

The sweet talks. The never ending flow of messages. The choice of words. The constant greeting. His everything confuses me.

Can't we just be friends? I like it more when we were friends. It was better that way.

Because I like him, not him.

Leave me!

Why do you need to treat me like this? Don't you remember the old days when we laughed together?

How come you've become so cold? So cold I can't even have a proper conversation with you.
You have become someone else. Someone who is blinded by "love".

Why did you choose to like me? Why did you even tell me?

I do not like you.

I want it to just be the way it was. The times when we laughed and joked. The good times. The valuable times.

Please don't torment me. There's just no chemistry between us.

Why can't you just let go??! You're hurting me more than you know.

I DO NOT LIKE YOU!!!!

The Revealed Truth

I like you.

Yesterday, I finally found out.
Yesterday, I sang with you.

Yes, I remember. I remember well.
Our faces so close,
So close I could see every detail of your face.

You knew exactly what I was thinking.
You understood me by every inch.

The lyrics of the song,
Does it fit us?

I believe this.
Every second we spent together, is genuine.

You made me really happy.
Happier then I have ever been in a very long time.

The love story we acted in,
Do you believe in it?

Will you ever accept me?
For who I really am?

I finally understood the truth,
I really do like you.

-XiAorUi--

Refusal

I just don't get it.
Why must you force me so badly?

I just don't want to experience it.
Can you just leave me alone?

I just want to be friends.
Why can't you just fulfill my wishes?

Uncounted days we've spent together,
but I never thought of you like that.

This is a mistake,
it never should have happened, ever.

I say, Let just be friends,
You say, Not just friends.

I feel like a bubble.
A bubble that is near to popping.

How can I ever face you again?
How can I act normal around you again?

It's been a lifetime since I met you.
How can you just tell me like this?

It hurts, so very badly.
I don't want to hurt you, too.

So, Why not we just be friends, huh?

-XiAorUi--

Valentine's Day

Did you know?

Valentine's Day is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine.

The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in Parlement of Foules (1382) by Geoffrey Choucer:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

__________

Do you get it?

It's actually:

For this was on Saint Valentine's Day

When every bird comes there to choose his mate.

But it doesn't actually refer to Valentine's Day, because February is an unlikely time for birds to be mating.
__________

But I put it up mainly cause of the spelling. LOL.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day.

"Love" vs "Hate"

"Why do you like her?" I finally got the courage to ask my friend beside me.

And he answered with a plain "Dunno."

- - - - - - - -

Sometimes I wonder, why would we feel like we're in love? Is it simply physical attraction? Or is it just our pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin which are making these reactions?

How can you be so sure that you're in love? How would you possibly know what love really feels like?
___________

Sometimes I ask people, "What do you hate?"

They would normally answer "spiders", "bugs", "school" and stuff.

- - - - - - - -

"Hate" is the ability to quickly separate friend from foe and provides the origins of hate, as hate is a self-defense mechanism.

But nowadays, we use "hate" at almost everything. Just because somebody does not approve with our opinion, we turn out to hate them. Maybe I like Jennifer Lopez, but you don't. Then you hate me.

We simply hate here hate there, practically hating everybody we meet. the what's the point of love then?
If we always hate, and not feel the true meaning of love, what's the use of the existence of love?
___________

In this case, I would ask for all mankind( even though not the whole world reads my blog), to enjoy love, not hatred. To spread the love to the whole world. Not only our family, friends or loved one. Keep the love alive!
___________

Yes, I was bored.

Why?

Life may seem simple to you.
But have you ever helped the others out there?
Have you ever thought 'bout them?
There are much more poorer people out there now.
No one cares for them and just treat them like dump.

But do you think, that you are kind, just because you show them pity?
Pity doesn't worth a penny and it doesn't do much help.

Do you think you can help them?
Help them through your show offs?

Tell me why do you just seem so happy when you're really sad?
Is life so really bad?
I know I'll try to help.

But why? Why do you be so cold yet kind?
And why did I?
Why did I give to you?
Give you my heart and loved you so?

Though the world is small and we can still meet I know you'll forget.
The girl that once showed you the happiness inside.

But it's okay. I don't mind it at all.
As long as you remember the unconditioned Love I gave to you.
As long as you remember these words that I said endlessly to you.

I Love You.

-XiAorUi--

The Questions and Confessions

What am I to do?
Why am I to even fall for you?
Who am I to chose between best friend and love?
How am to face both of you?
When am I to tell you how I really feel?
Where am I to tell you this horrible truth?

I really want to tell you how I feel..
I really want to let you see me.
No matter how hard I try to catch your attention.
You will never notice..

I cried today..
I was right beside her, crying.
We were both crying. But you could only see her.
You didn't even bother to look at me..

It hurts.. It hurts so much..

Even though the both of you had already broke up..
I know, you still have feelings for each other..
You changed, just for her.
Is she really that important that you wouldn't even bother to look at me?
To look at me, just as a friend?

As a friend.

I'm just a decoration.
A person just to make the scene look more 'competitive'.
To make you look more like a girls' guy.
I don't even mean anything.
You just care for her, and only her.

I'm nothing.

I'm selfish, you say?
You say that I should just wish for his happiness.
If he's happy then I should be happy too.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe I should.
But I love you so much..

I love you so much that it hurts.

-XiAorUi--

A Short Conversation

I saw you again.
It was after school,
near the school hall.
You were walking towards me and I was walking towards you.
After we were a bit closer.
You asked me.

"你请假了没有？"
"Have you applied for a leave yet?"
***
*Oh My God! He's so cute.* 
***
"明天，明天才请。"
"Tomorrow, I'll apply for it tomorrow."
 
Then you left.

I lied.

I needed a letter of proof.
And I needed you to do it for me.
But I did not have the guts to tell you.

I asked a friend to ask you.
But I'm not sure if she'll ask.
I was afraid to ask you.

Or maybe i was shy.
***
Your voice was so soft.
You were wearing our Form 1 sports shirt.
You, looked cute.
Sometimes I wish that you would just dump her.
But for me to think of that is bad.
We cannot force people to be with us.

Even if we do,
Happiness still does not belong to us..

Therefore,
I promise,
To quietly be by your side,
Watching over you,
Loving you.

-XiAorUi--

A Single Touch

You came to my class.
You were searching for a friend.
But your friend wasn't there.
You looked anxious.

Then you saw me,
I almost ran for it.
But you called me-"筱瑞!"
I was stopped in my tracks.
I went for your direction.

*I can't believe it, he remembers my name!*

You gave me a paper.
And asked if I could pass it to my friend.
Of course, I said sure...

You were so close to me.
I could almost feel your breath.

But you were with her, again.
Every time I see you,
you're always with her.
She was watching us from behind.

I know you are already with her.
I know that you will always love her.
I know that there's no way,
you would like me..

But I'm happy..
Just to be by your side..

-XiAorUi--

The Truth

Every time someone teases me,
Tease about me and you,
I always act like I'm annoyed.
But the truth is,
I really like them to tease me,
To tease about you and me;

Every time you come close to me,
I pretend to run away.
But the truth is,
I wanna be close to you,
But I'm afraid;

Every time we talk,
I pretend to end the conversation quickly.
But the truth is,
I like to talk to you,
To chat about everything;

Every time I see you,
My heart starts to skip a beat.
The truth is that I love you,
And I will forever,
Forever,
Loving you.

-XiAorUi--

I am.. a Devil?

I found out how I feel today.
Could I possibly live on with this feeling?
Only time can tell..

------------------------

He cut his hair today.
His front hair was cut wavy.
He looked really cute that way.
=========
I noticed him looking at me today.
Maybe,  just maybe, could he possibly feel the same way for me?

------------------------

Today is an exam day.
He wore a silver green jacket during the exam.
He looked so cute.
=========
How can I possibly stop staring?

------------------------

Love formula:
Me+ Him= 0%
=========
I want to know everything about him.
And I want him to feel the same way as I do to him.
However, it seems impossible.
I'll never know how he feels..
I feel dumb. Lost. Useless.
That's it. I gave up.
I did what I want, when I want.
I am evil...
I am a.. Devil...

-XiAorUi--

Wat Is This?

I feel weird.. I never felt like this before..
People just used to say rumours bout me and him.. But I never took it seriously.. Coz I didn't like him..

But lately, I just notice that he's.. different..

I mean.. He sat beside me for 2 months coz teacher said that if we sit together, we won't be noisy. (Which is so not true.)
And then, he sat just a 'corridor' (the path where we walk) apart from me for the next month.
That time, the rumour bout me and him stopped. But, when he just asked me something during class, teacher called out our names for talking and my class was like uhhhhh ahhhh ohhhh. Just like that! Hah!

He's kind. I noe. But I never thought of anything else other than friends. But like I said, something changed..
When he was staring at my friend(male), he looked.. cute..

Ahh!! I don't noe!
Wat is the meaning of this!?!

Does this mean that I like him?

Does he??????

Lately,
I've found out that a guy likes to chat with me a lot n tells me some secrets of his...
N he always seems to like to take my stuff n admire it... (Not exactly ADMIRE it.. But like to look at it..)

Anyway,
he juz acts more 'gentleman' now when he's around me, n also more kind to me..

Actually,
I felt kinda awkward in result of his actions.. Coz it's weird!!!!

Well,
it's 'cause that I've always treated him as a very good FREN..
N onli a fren..

I'm not sure though..
Perhaps he juz feels soli for me coz I juz came back to school.. (I was at school during d exam.. But I had d exam in d dunnowassitname place (教务处）

So basically,
I'm not sure how he thinks...